I just realized that noone can delete you in your website. We are so used to social media dynamics that after 10 years of learning-how-to-write on sns (to not have bummers and other issues like omg I got banned from ig just because I used the word KILL on my story), I almost forgot that now I can say what i want lol.
like
I WANT TO KILL MYSELF AND I HAVE MY MEAT SECRETELY PUT IN A SUPERMARKET DISTRIBUTION.
Ohhh i feel the digital fear of having it written down
Will someone come here to ban me?
Will the absence of this thrill not having me want to post this shit anymore?
Like when they legalize certain type of drugs in your country and now you don’t want to have it anynmore so you realize that you wanted the thrill to be hunted down?
Maybe
The funny thing is that usually I am a very calm person, but understanding that effectively THERE is a censorship of a weird kind on socials (YESYESYESY the one that helps everyone feel included and in a safe place yadayadayada) and here..no, it makes me feel free in a strange way?
Aren’t we already free?
Did we start to put some of our thoughts in the recess of our mind just because instinctively we classify it “not suitable for discussion”?
But, our brain develops on what we think, and what we think is hardwired to what we say and share with others (it works as a form of concretization of the thought).
If we don’t say what we think we basically stop to think over time.
Or start thinking only within the “correct” standars given to us from the external inputs. Like sns.
So are we really thinking? Idk.
To explain myself more, the one written up there is basically an intrusive thought. Linked with is gore aesthetic imaginery. But is a bizzare and dark humored one and – believe it ore not – I know that has a niche of enjoyers. Why shouldn’t it be online?
I think intrusive thoughts are creative and are valid the same way that normal artistic ones are.
It just links with a different part of our human life experience.
With the randomness of it.
Maybe we are scared of the caos we are born in and live in since the generation of the atoms we are made of?
So, is not that intrusive thoughts and weird discussion of this type are harmful themselves if read, but we are scared to not be able to rationalize them and control them in a way that makes us feel safe?
Is social media moderation a digital derivation of us putting a fire out of our primitive caves to chase away wild animals. And wild spirtits. And the scary imaginery that comes with it? Are we chasing out ourselves out from our brains?

I don’t know.

This ia Paranoid Matter,

Welcome to my cave